Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.