Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.