Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."