He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.