I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'