Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.