You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me