Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (310)

Last Night in California (310)

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Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul

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(310): Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul http://tfl.nu/k128

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I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.

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(310): I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/zxsm

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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch

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(310): That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch http://tfl.nu/7p4s

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Just called the consul general of France "dude"

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(310): Just called the consul general of France "dude" http://tfl.nu/uwot

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We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....

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(310): We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries.... http://tfl.nu/y7n3

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I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.

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(310): I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient. http://tfl.nu/0squ

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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.

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You're sick. Take pictures if you can.

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(310): I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had. (1-310): You're sick. Take pictures if you can. http://tfl.nu/uy3u

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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.

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(310): Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping. http://tfl.nu/k0y4

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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?

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(310): My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here? http://tfl.nu/bu6m

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I'm so sick

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I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.

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That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..

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(310): I'm so sick (323): I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night. (310): That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy.. http://tfl.nu/0aa2

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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.

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(310): So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1. http://tfl.nu/ef5h

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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.

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(310): Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN. http://tfl.nu/m6qh

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It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.

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That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.

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(310): It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter. (415): That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere. http://tfl.nu/8y5r

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Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again

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(310): Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again http://tfl.nu/9kfj

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Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.

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(310): Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus. http://tfl.nu/vfqq

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Last Night in California (310)

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