He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
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He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?