That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
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Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?