Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...