I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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Help me help you realize you are a moron
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life