My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.