Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero