Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
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I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's a Shit stain on my heart
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I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?