Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra