She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.