If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.