he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.