My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons