I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.