Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.