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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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