His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!