So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.