I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.