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Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
please come you make the beer taste better
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
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