So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.