There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.