Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
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You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.