I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
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Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We had to coat check the pizza.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge