Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."