I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.