I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.