You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me