The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit