yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.