Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel a five day drunk coming on.