I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?