I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized