he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you