Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.