...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.