I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.