You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?