I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
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So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.