i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
