The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
