Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (903)

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  (903): View more from Texas

  Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?

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  (903): Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive? http://tfl.nu/hm3a
  Replies (2) Good night (2154) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
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  Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

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  Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...

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  (360): Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated? (903): Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake... http://tfl.nu/fy7y
  Replies (5) Good night (2354) Bad night (539)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.

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  (903): Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis. http://tfl.nu/h9w8
  Replies (7) Good night (1897) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT

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  (903): EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT http://tfl.nu/usnf
  Replies (14) Good night (7192) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone

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  (903): I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone http://tfl.nu/vw3h
  Replies (5) Good night (813) Bad night (1718) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.

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  (903): Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high. http://tfl.nu/bi94
  Replies (6) Good night (1258) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  We talked him into tasing himself.

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  (903): We talked him into tasing himself. http://tfl.nu/jtjc
  Replies (12) Good night (2949) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

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  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5391) Bad night (1271) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...

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  (903): I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth... http://tfl.nu/u93t
  Replies (7) Good night (2334) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.

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  (903): I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish. http://tfl.nu/384h
  Replies (13) Good night (2355) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Beer Popsicles are better in theory

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  (903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx
  Replies (9) Good night (1918) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass

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  (903): I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass http://tfl.nu/h4q0
  Replies (10) Good night (3201) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

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  (903): I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission. http://tfl.nu/3lm1
  Replies (19) Good night (3164) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.

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  (903): If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis. http://tfl.nu/5wmm
  Replies (27) Good night (5556) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
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  (903): View more from Texas

  She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.

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  (903): She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her. http://tfl.nu/v3pj
  Replies (6) Good night (2977) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt