I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...