Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.