Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashianâ€™s Have Rocked
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.