Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.