He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.