Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (858)

Last Night in California (858)

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(858): View more from California

Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.

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(858): Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel. http://tfl.nu/fcxh

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(858): View more from California

There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.

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(858): There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate. http://tfl.nu/dn5m

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(858): View more from California

this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.

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(858): this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since. http://tfl.nu/ovf5

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I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

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(858): I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way. http://tfl.nu/w85x

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(858): View more from California

I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

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you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

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(858): I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up. (619): you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS http://tfl.nu/a8ci

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I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

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(858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f

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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

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(858): you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?" http://tfl.nu/xq6v

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New channing tatum movie.

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I'll bring my vibrator.

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(303): New channing tatum movie. (858): I'll bring my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/ing8

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(858): View more from California

I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.

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(858): I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast. http://tfl.nu/8lsx

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(858): View more from California

Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?

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(858): Why do you apologize after every time we have sex? http://tfl.nu/3g2b

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(858): View more from California

just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.

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(858): just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come. http://tfl.nu/jbn7

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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking

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(858): I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking http://tfl.nu/c48d

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(858): View more from California

last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"

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(858): last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian" http://tfl.nu/bnai

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Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.

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(858): Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show. http://tfl.nu/suqh

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(858): View more from California

my life trainwreck boards at 9:30

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(858): my life trainwreck boards at 9:30 http://tfl.nu/fi8y

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Last Night in California (858)

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