I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail