Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.