btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?