There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just pee around me
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.