After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
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We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.