Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.