I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?