Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think