Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Minnesota (763)

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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.

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  (763): there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread. http://tfl.nu/qy40
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  My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.

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  (763): My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries. http://tfl.nu/9ep5
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  I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium

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  (763): I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium http://tfl.nu/c873
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  I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.

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  (763): I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like. http://tfl.nu/kktd
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  i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina

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  (763): i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina http://tfl.nu/awuu
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  It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.

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  (763): It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo. http://tfl.nu/heh2
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  ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.

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  haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.

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  (612): ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good. (763): haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions. http://tfl.nu/7v2j
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  she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle

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  safety first

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  (763): she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle (612): safety first http://tfl.nu/lbuo
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  The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.

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  (763): The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled. http://tfl.nu/m5fs
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  I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

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  (763): I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it. http://tfl.nu/zncn
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  We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."

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  (763): We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms." http://tfl.nu/x5sd
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  dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve

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  clearly you are not from wisconsin

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  (763): dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve (608): clearly you are not from wisconsin http://tfl.nu/j6wr
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  I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.

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  (763): I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year. http://tfl.nu/q074
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  i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.

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  (763): i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately. http://tfl.nu/s9fu
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  I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.

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  (763): I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not. http://tfl.nu/gu0c
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