I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
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Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.