From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...