I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned