You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.