When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.