It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...