your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep