Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my j├Ąger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.