you made out with another girl for some wings
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".