Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis