You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
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She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason