Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ontario (519)

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  All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?

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  (519): All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask? http://tfl.nu/p3wm
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  I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen

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  (519): I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen http://tfl.nu/o99g
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  Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out

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  (519): Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out http://tfl.nu/ezsq
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  he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.

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  (519): he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint. http://tfl.nu/fup1
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  I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.

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  (519): I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands. http://tfl.nu/u4sr
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
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  I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats

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  (519): I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats http://tfl.nu/z216
  Replies (13) Good night (1215) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
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  My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now

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  (519): My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now http://tfl.nu/86ra
  Replies (5) Good night (1779) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
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  All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.

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  (519): All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am. http://tfl.nu/roar
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  you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude

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  (519): you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude http://tfl.nu/j4kw
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  she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"

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  (519): she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!" http://tfl.nu/5ib0
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  My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.

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  (519): My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning. http://tfl.nu/s24c
  Replies (19) Good night (3471) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
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  No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.

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  (519): No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area. http://tfl.nu/eioj
  Replies (3) Good night (641) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
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  Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"

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  (519): Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy" http://tfl.nu/ca96
  Replies (6) Good night (2086) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
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  My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!

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  (519): My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!! http://tfl.nu/hi1l
  Replies (6) Good night (1662) Bad night (404)
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  I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.

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  (519): I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes. http://tfl.nu/2r4g
  Replies (12) Good night (2156) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt