One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.