Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...