WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.