Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.