Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay