Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.