Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra