I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
one might say we're banned from that church
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.