u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued