You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public