I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds