you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.