He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides