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You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
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