she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!