Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas