I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
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