Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (301)

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  Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.

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  (301): Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard. http://tfl.nu/kick
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  Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?

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  (301): Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos? http://tfl.nu/uo60
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  I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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  (301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u
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  Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent

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  (301): Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent http://tfl.nu/21ar
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  just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.

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  (301): just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month. http://tfl.nu/ntmv
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  we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

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  (301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos" http://tfl.nu/vb8d
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  I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.

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  Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.

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  (301): I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door. (215): Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go. http://tfl.nu/76is
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  not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs

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  (301): not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs http://tfl.nu/cui3
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  Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools

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  (301): Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools http://tfl.nu/2rog
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  There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting

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  (301): There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting http://tfl.nu/c2mi
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  I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?

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  (301): I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun? http://tfl.nu/ilq6
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  It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form

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  (301): It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form http://tfl.nu/mrkk
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  He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles

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  (301): He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles http://tfl.nu/qmb2
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  i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.

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  (301): i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk. http://tfl.nu/vlxs
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  The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.

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  (301): The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend. http://tfl.nu/xomb
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