I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just high enough for therapy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?