The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.