I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
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I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth