I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
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I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.