College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....