College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....